Taking Care of Everyone

Written By Rael Eckenroed

β€œπ‘¨π’„π’„π’†π’‘π’• π’šπ’π’–π’“π’”π’†π’π’‡, 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆 π’šπ’π’–π’“π’”π’†π’π’‡, 𝒂𝒏𝒅 π’Œπ’†π’†π’‘ π’Žπ’π’—π’Šπ’π’ˆ π’‡π’π’“π’˜π’‚π’“π’…. 𝑰𝒇 π’šπ’π’– π’˜π’‚π’π’• 𝒕𝒐 π’‡π’π’š, π’šπ’π’– 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒕𝒐 π’ˆπ’Šπ’—π’† 𝒖𝒑 π’˜π’‰π’‚π’• π’˜π’†π’Šπ’ˆπ’‰π’” π’šπ’π’– π’…π’π’˜π’.” β€” π‘Ήπ’π’š 𝑻. 𝑩𝒆𝒏𝒏𝒆𝒕𝒕

The business of taking care of adults who can well take care of themselves is something you do as a woman. This is from a history of taking care of your brothers and sisters especially if you were the first born or among the eldest in the family. Your mother took care of everyone else and neglected herself. You come from a culture where you are supposed to take care of your husband and all the male in the family.

You are also people pleasing, always sacrificing your time and your resources for those around you.

You were taught to take care of people to be seen as a good desirable wife, a good mother, to go the extra mile, to love thy neighbor. You want to be loved.

The problem in caretaking business is that you also tend to control those that you are caretaking so that you want them to do what you suggest and how you would like it done.

Before you know it, you have become a control freak. But in essence you are controlled by all those around you. You do not have any freedom, and you are the victim here. They all control you, what you do, what you do not do – as you do not want to disappoint them. And more importantly, they control all your resources.

Caretaking should only be reserved for the very small children and the very elderly that are unable to do anything for themselves.

If you are caretaking anyone in between then your life is controlled by those that you are caretaking. What do you do?

  • Understand your desire to take care of people around you and practice self-control. Stop it and let others take care of themselves

  • Stop sacrificing your happiness for others

  • Allow others to assume responsibility for their own lives

  • You may have neglected your true responsibilities in the process of helping everyone else. Take care of your true responsibilities.

  • Say NO more often

  • Refuse to guess what people want, instead ask them what they need from you, then evaluate if they really need it and if you are the right person to provide it for them. Can they get it on their own?

  • If it is your husband or boyfriend that you are caretaking including buying him expensive gifts, and you are getting nothing in return, then it is time to have some serious talk with yourself. AND with him.

Stop taking care of people that can take care of themselves. Initially they will be angry and frustrated at you, but they will get the message and adjust. If you lose them, then good riddance, you do not need such people in your life.

Caretaking makes you become an angry parent, angry friend, angry lover, unsatisfied, frustrated, regretful, and confused with unmet needs.

These unmet needs are physical, emotional, and psychological and they build up and boil over. Before long you are spent with nothing to show of it.

Make 2023 the year of Starting Over. Stop the caretaking business.

β€œπ‘»π’‰π’† π’π’π’π’š 𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒐𝒏 π’˜π’‰π’ 𝒄𝒂𝒏 𝒑𝒖𝒍𝒍 π’Žπ’† π’…π’π’˜π’ π’Šπ’” π’Žπ’šπ’”π’†π’π’‡, 𝒂𝒏𝒅 π‘°β€™π’Ž 𝒏𝒐𝒕 π’ˆπ’π’Šπ’π’ˆ 𝒕𝒐 𝒍𝒆𝒕 π’Žπ’šπ’”π’†π’π’‡ 𝒑𝒖𝒍𝒍 π’Žπ’† π’…π’π’˜π’ π’‚π’π’šπ’Žπ’π’“π’†.” β€” π‘ͺ. π‘±π’π’šπ’ƒπ’†π’π’ π‘ͺ.

Rael Eckenroed
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